Randomika

Posts Tagged ‘random

Sometimes I just wonder why is it so hard to to live .. Is life really that hard or am I sometimes not up to living?! The more I try harder to live the more I feel the emptiness inside me and uselessness of all my attempts.. What’s the use of living when u’re dying anyway… what’s the use of one in a million when there already is a million anyway. Why do ppl fear death when I see how serene and peaceful and clear it is. Why do ppl dread it so much when I find it my ultimate goal and definite last peaceful stop! Some ppl say that you can make a difference.. well I don’t really see that! I know everybody is unique in a way but I also see history repeating itself.. there’s nothing that somebody can do that can’t be done by someone else! Then where is this uniqueness they always talk about!? I think life has been much easier years ago.. today it has just gone harder and harder.. everything is discrete .. everything is in disguise .. no one is ready to be honest and clear.. and if they become clear nobody will believe him.. Even wars aren’t clear anymore.. politics isn’t clear anymore.. religion isn’t clear anymore.. everything is a tool for something else.. everything is a disguise for an another hidden motive. Even feelings became so difficult and hard. We have evolved to the extent that we can’t live as human beings anymore.. we can’t breathe and we can’t feel. We can’t say what we want and we can’t say what we think. Which again makes us more and more only copies from each other.. all hidden and wrapped up in their lies .. till it suffocates us and strip us of our humanity.

I’m not being suicidal but I just don’t get the point. I really don’t.

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Posted on: May 19, 2010

I’ve been so grumpy lately. So not in the mood. I find myself not wanting to go anywhere or see anyone. I don’t want to make the effort to fix anything or any relation with anybody. I don’t have the effort to do anything or even try to be happy. I’m not feeling down though, which is even weirder. It feels like being in my bubble but without the pain. I feel like I want to watch and know without reacting or doing anything. I think the past months have been really emotionally draining for me and I was so taken in that I didn’t even notice it. There are no certain things that make me act this way or feel this way. Maybe there are, but even these are not affecting me the way they are supposed to.

I think we all carry burdens. Burdens that may even not belong to us. Might be other ppl’s weights. Their stories, their pains. And sometimes you can relate to those pains which maximized yours as well. Sometimes you’re aware of it, and some other times you don’t even know these burdens are there. Dragging you down and draining your emotions and thoughts.

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