Randomika

Archive for November 2010

So, 25 huh. Rob3 2arn πŸ˜€
What do I feel?! Now that it’s over and that I passed these horrible days around my birthday, I feel I can talk about it. I never dreaded a birthday or feared getting older and I still don’t. But yet this year, I really hated my birthday. I hated how I felt and I hated everything about it. I hated what it marked and that it just marks a time I know I would hate. Maybe this is a very big reason that I never remember any dates. Because I don’t want it to mark anything. I don’t want to link a date to anything so that it won’t remind me of anything whether good or bad. I hated this past whole year and I really wasn’t looking forward to go through another year again! Not another year with the same me! Feeling like this and thinking like this! There are many things that I can’t really set a target for or be decisive about, and it was really torturing me.

I was never dreading getting older. On the contrary I feel getting older has many qualities that we don’t really see. Ppl only think about the wrinkles and the numbers and the looks. I think every age has it’s charm. What was annoying me is that I’m not where I want to be and I’m not doing anything about it. I don’t feel like I’m doing enough no matter how hard or how far I get. It’s always not enough. There was this gloomy feeling that I couldn’t get rid of. But thank God, after a few talks with my dearest friends, whom I really am, infinitely, grateful to have, I feel better. And for some reason I keep remembering the scene from 28 days when the baseball player told Sandra Bullock that we only should think about the things we can control. That we keep thinking how am I gonna get this ball into that small square!? But when the ball is there u don’t control anything. You should think about the things you can control, your posture, the way you throw and your hands. How things go is none of you business and you shouldn’t think about it. This is how it is in life. I realized I’ve always thought about the square and forgot about what I can do and can’t do. Maybe, now since I’ve came to this realization it feels better, but it doesn’t mean I’m not gonna worry anymore. In fact I know I will but at least now I know how I should think.
About the things that were torturing me.. well none of them has been resolved yet of course:) but at least I’m now thinking about the things I can control and I can do. And that sort of gave me some relief even in the matters I can’t control. Somehow I managed to have some peace of mind and I’m trying not to look back on the things I lost in the way, I won’t cry over the things I loved the most anymore. Let’s look forward for the new day πŸ™‚

It’s Eid time anyway and I think there’s this Eid spirit that should be spread. And I’m insisting on enjoying and spreading it :))

Hope you enjoy it to the max everyone πŸ™‚
Happy Eid πŸ™‚