Randomika

Archive for May 2010

For the first time in my life I’m starting to hate that I’m a scorpio. I’ve never given it a thought or felt like I hate it or hate that ppl are intimidated by such a sign. To me it was exactly like being a little short.. I never felt it’s belittling or that I’m missing something or even that I wished to be a tad taller. It’s what I am and I’m not afraid of it. I don’t know what to intimidate in the first place. I believe in zodiacs as statistics with some personal traits. They can be true or false and they are not necessarily be all summarized in one person. But today I’m starting to feel angry. Not because of the sign; but because I’m starting to feel that I’m labeled. That certain ppl – esp. the ones whom I call friends and whom I love the most- are being intimidated or afraid. How can I consider you my friend if you won’t consider me yours. I find trust and friendship a two way street that can never be walked alone. But finding myself in the middle of the road all alone is not only scary. It’s hurtful and offending, especially if it’s based on sth totally not related to me. I don’t care if you’ve been bitten or stung before, it doesn’t mean you have the right – or event the reason – to accuse me of something as such. And even if you truly think that and you don’t trust me enough, then have enough courtesy to not brag about it. It’s you who are scared and it’s your very personal opinion, so please keep it to yourself, I’m really not interested to know it.

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Posted on: May 19, 2010

I’ve been so grumpy lately. So not in the mood. I find myself not wanting to go anywhere or see anyone. I don’t want to make the effort to fix anything or any relation with anybody. I don’t have the effort to do anything or even try to be happy. I’m not feeling down though, which is even weirder. It feels like being in my bubble but without the pain. I feel like I want to watch and know without reacting or doing anything. I think the past months have been really emotionally draining for me and I was so taken in that I didn’t even notice it. There are no certain things that make me act this way or feel this way. Maybe there are, but even these are not affecting me the way they are supposed to.

I think we all carry burdens. Burdens that may even not belong to us. Might be other ppl’s weights. Their stories, their pains. And sometimes you can relate to those pains which maximized yours as well. Sometimes you’re aware of it, and some other times you don’t even know these burdens are there. Dragging you down and draining your emotions and thoughts.

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