Randomika

Archive for June 2009

Today ..

Posted on: June 14, 2009

Today was the first time I realized I’ve changed. I don’t know if it’s a good step or is it just in the step of being the person I would totally hate.
I’ve always thought one shouldn’t change the behavior they know is right and good just because other ppl are behaving badly. It’s their problem they are bad and it won’t be their problem that you are changing and to the worse.
A few weeks ago somebody made me change. I’m not changing my beliefs but what made this necessity to change is that I suddenly realized that to be protected in this era one shouldn’t be kind or forgiving. One should hold grudges and take revenge else most ppl will take you for granted and most likely hurt more again and again. I’ve never felt that it’s a human nature to hurt one another for no apparent reason what so ever, not even to move ahead or look better, I realized they sometimes just do it for the fun of it. I’m not playing the victim or trying to be one. I’m just trying to make sense of a world that has gone out of control.
Today I said what I wanted to say at the time I wanted to say it. What’s new is that I will not regret it. I won’t regret seeing anybody or going anywhere. I won’t feel attached either, to anybody or anyplace. I will just have fun do what I enjoy and that’s it. I know there are a lot of flaws in that plan but I will carry it out anyway. I will be rude when it’s necessary and I won’t look sweet or cute anymore. I will be indifferent and I will look indifferent.
Well this is the plan. I know I won’t carry it out exactly as it is. I know there will be mistakes and I know I might definitely edit it someday, but at least today I felt I was on the plan. This means I’ve really learnt my lesson and I’ve passed the exam and I can pass it again and again.
Today I realized that holding grudges and acting upon them is a skill and doesn’t come naturally to everyone.