Randomika

Archive for March 2009

A couple of days ago I realized we are in spring. Spring is not really my favourite season but there is one thing i like about spring. Ever since I moved to Maadi i noticed those beautiful trees with flowers on them. they are all across maadi and they’ve always welcomed the spring with those beautiful flowers with there very different colors. I even used a certain route to work so that i would get this view all the way to work. A couple of days ago i realized it’s been spring for a while now and i was just missing it. Even after I noticed my mind somehow is still off that everyday I don’t take my special ” Spring Route ” and i only notice it when i arrive at work and see the beautiful trees i’ve missed that day.
Every day i wonder how many ppl look at these trees and how beautiful they are. I feel like i’m the only one who’s sad that these trees are only there in Maadi and that’s what’s left of them. And why am I blaming them when I’m the one who just said i haven’t noticed them for a while.. I think i’m starting to be a ” mwaten mat7ooon ” with all the surroundings and the circumstances at hand. I’m affected by the routine of my life.. lack of inspiration or the time for inspiration or the time for anything for that matter. I don’t have the time for my favorite sport. I “squeeze” a couple of hours every other week or so to see my old friends. I even sometimes try very very hard to squeeze an hour or so every couple of days to have quality time with my mother. And every few weeks i realize I haven’t spent enough time on me just because i haven’t tried and squeezed that time in my busy schedule. I think everybody’s life had become very hectic these days. Or may be like I always believed and like a friend recently told me that we have the time for everything we just don’t use it wisely.. ” we have more time than we really think “. But the only thing is I used to notice these little things without trying to squeeze anything or make a very tight schedule or buy an organizer which i recently bought and never ever knew why do ppl use things. This last realization makes me still feel like i’ve gotten busier although I don’t feel that I have all that much to keep me busy. In fact i’m searching for more stuff to keep my mind busy because i feel like I think too much.
Only talking about schedules i realized i have a very busy schedule today that I haven’t even started yet and it’s midday already.

Rabbena ma3ana 😀

Listening to ~ The Fear by Lily Allen

Advertisements

The Fear

Posted on: March 24, 2009

I wanna be rich
And I want lots of money
I don’t care about clever
I don’t care about funny

I want loads of clothes
And fuckloads of diamonds
I heard people die while they’re trying to find them

And I’ll take my clothes off
And it will be shameless
‘Cause everyone knows that’s how you get famous
I’ll look at the sun and I’ll look in the mirror
I’m on the right track, yeah, I’m onto a winner

I don’t know what’s right and what’s new anymore
And I don’t know how I’m meant to feel anymore
When do you think it will all become clear
‘Cause I’m being taken over by the fear

Life’s about film stars and less about mothers
It’s all about fast cars and cussing each other
But that doesn’t matter ’cause I’m packing plastic
And that’s what makes my life so fucking fantastic
And I am a weapon of massive consumption
And it’s not my fault, it’s how I’m programmed to function
I’ll look at the sun and I’ll look in the mirror
I’m on the right track, yeah, we’re on to the winner

I don’t know what’s right and what’s new anymore
And I don’t know how I’m meant to feel anymore
When do you think it will all become clear
‘Cause I’m being taken over by the fear

Forget about guns and forget ammunition
‘Cause I’m killing them all on my own little mission
Yeah I’m not a saint but I’m not a sinner
and everything’s cool as long as I’m getting thinner

I don’t know what’s right and what’s new anymore
And I don’t know how I’m meant to feel anymore
When do you think it will all become clear
‘Cause I’m being taken over by the fear

A song by Lily Allen, a new British singer. What I liked about it is that it really pictured how our life is becoming these days and how ppl are changing priorities in their lives with stuff that never really mattered and i don’t think will ever will.

A friend just told me this today and now i’ve seen it on Gjoe’s it gave me a new perspective and it sorta changed how i see things today.
So thanks 😀


Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me

I am a dreamer and when I wake
You can’t break my spirit – it’s my dreams you take
And as you move on, remember me
Remember us and all we used to be

Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me

James Blunt – Goodbye my lover

Tags:

Farewell

Posted on: March 15, 2009

She thought why is she always doing this to herself, is she meant to torture herself to the end of eternity. What was her crime that needs all this to be her salvation. It’s not the first time she builds castles in thin air. She’s knew exactly what she was doing and her mind kept telling her she’s aware that it’s not real. But when it hit her she realized she wasn’t aware of anything, she was clueless about what she was doing. She knew he wasn’t hers. And she convinced herself that she didn’t even want him. But it stabbed her and was like her heart dropped to the ground and went to a thousand pieces she didn’t how to put back together.It all started when she saw him that morning and he told her gladly that he very good news for her. Then all what she heard and kept ringing in her head that day was his words ” ana 7a7’tob el osboo3 el gy.” She tried to gather some pieces to be able to talk and not burst into tears and tell him ” Mabrouk”. He asked her to guess who she was, and the last she wanted was to be right. She then felt he was giving her the knife that stabbed her a minute ago and ordered her to cut those freshly cut pieces of her heart some more.. that was when he asked her ” w eh ra2yek? “.

Posted on: March 14, 2009

Why is it hard now letting him go.
“When does this self-centered, possessive me come from. It’s your right and it’s what u deserve?!”
It’s what she always wanted for him.
Happiness and peace.. it’s really what he deserve.
Maybe she wished she could make it up for him one day.
I guess she doesn’t have the time for this now.
She only has the time to grieve and blame herself for the time he wasted and the pain she caused him. She has plenty of time in fact. Her entire life…

Is it and illusion?! Is it a placebo effect?! Is it just because we need to believe in sth that will help fix what’s broken ?! All I know is I didn’t rush home as usual like I was running away. I wasn’t mad at those slow ppl on the streets. Or the crowd which shudn’t be on a highway. I said what I wanted to say which was the right thing at the right time instead of the contrary and grilling myself over it for days and days to come. I wasn’t as angry when I heard the same stupid comments from that person I have to listen to over and over again. I wasn’t as tense when i was late ( u might say that’s my usual but I managed to keep the punctual image with those ppl and I was trying to keep it 🙂 ), I wasn’t that tense although I was racing through the streets as usual. I don’t really know and i’m not really sure all I know is ppl swear by it despite it’s different types and origins and despite their diversity and differences. But since when things been right just because there masses who believe in it. Actually some things are just valid or even exist only because It has managed to be believed by so many ppl. Today I just added another perspective which is even if it is an illusion.. if it helps why not live it. If it’s what makes me happy or puts my life together or at least pieces of it.. what’s wrong with building it and letting it grow?! I think illusions are always there whether we know it or not. We believe in them sometimes so that we can get thru our problems and get back on track.